Without an Apostrophe

I woke up this morning hoping by the end of the day I’d be either dead or hospitalized.

Dead or at the very least, in critical condition from laughing hard enough to soil myself and an overdose of schadenfreude when a tablet wasn’t announced at today’s Apple presentation.

This did not come to pass, but I feel the need to open a piece on the unfortunately named Apple iPad (every possible joke about the name has already been made, so I’ll refrain from even trying a new one) by saying this: the amount of hype and speculation over a device that until this morning didn’t even officially exist was an absolute embarrassment to my so-called profession.

As it turns out, Apple did indeed launch a nearly 10-inch tablet computer.

I didn’t watch the entire live feed of the presentation as it was getting awfully choppy and just sounded like some kind of experimental noise-rock album after a while, but what I did see, well, I have to confess – I was impressed.

I do like the concept of e-readers, particularly a device that would download the various newspapers I read automatically before I woke up and let me read them on the bus in a format that didn’t cause eye strain and allowed readers to experience the same nice designs and layouts that work on paper.

Also, I’ve said before that newspapers need to stick around in their paper form because I refuse to drag my laptop into the bathroom.

Well, the iPad provides the features of most e-readers in colour as well as running all the applications the iPhone can and with the $499 price on the base model, doesn’t even cost that much more.

But that’s where we start running into problems.

Specifically, the iPhone App Store.

Without jailbreaking (a process that gets undone every time there’s a software update) iPhone users are limited to using only the applications Apple decides they can use in the App Store.

Unless there’s a strange shift that I just don’t see happening, iPad users will have to live with having a single company deciding what software they can and can’t use the hardware they paid for and to me, that is unacceptable.

Which one of the publications I read could build a great looking application to bring their content to the iPad and have it rejected. (Apple has rejected apps for some pretty stupid reasons in the past.)

I’m mainly focusing on the use of the iPad as an e-reader because as a replacement for a computer, well, forget about it.

Many tech commentators said Apple killed the netbook with this announcement, but I just don’t see it.

A netbook is a small, low-cost computer that runs a full operating system on which I could install any software I want. Besides, for any serious work, I like having a physical keyboard with tactile feedback.

The more I thought about it, the more I realized I’m more interested in seeing what Apple’s competitors come up with in response to the iPad.

The next statement is going to sound ridiculous given my opening rant to this post but it won’t be the first time I’ve been a hypocrite and definitely won’t be the last.

I can’t imagine the insanely smart folks at Google haven’t seen this coming and haven’t been preparing an Android-powered response and I suspect that is the gadget I really want.

I’m late posting this, as always it seems.

But, that’s what I intend to change.

With a New Year ushered in, I’ve rebooted my web properties (though the blog transformation is not yet 100 per cent complete, I do like how my new portfolio site turned out.)

Anyway, as part of this “reboot,” I am going to start taking my blog more seriously including, hopefully, sticking to a regular posting schedule.

Aside from posting more, there will be a few more changes, like fixing this rather plain design soon.

While I still intend to focus the site’s topic on my love/hate relationship with technology, I’m going to try to do some more media commentary as well, ‘cause damnit, I have opinions and they’re important, too!

Finally, I might see if I can squeeze some money out of this site, if only enough to pay for the hosting. So, please bare with me while I experiment with some hopefully unobtrusive advertising and few other ways getting a few pennies out of page views.

There’s no shortage of fakes on Twitter: Fake celebrities, fake politicians, fake CEOs and well, it goes on.

However, as a journalist, I have to say, there’s on fake Twitter account that stands above the rest: FakeAPStylebook.

Granted, being Canadian, it’s the CP (Canadian Press) style guide I’ve had drilled into my head, but I’ve got to say, the Fake AP Style book has some good guidelines, such as the above wisdom on avoiding libel charges.

Sometimes it can be worth looking through the spam folder, just because sometimes between having my masculinity challenged, there can be some truly surreal stuff.

Example, this missive that doesn’t seem to be selling anything, just warning to the world that actress Scarlett Johansson is a clone:

IT IS NOT A SPAM, but if you received that message second and plus time JUST CLICK DELETE button and have a nice day. Don’t feel bad, please understand original Scarlett’s family very desperate to shut down that humiliating antichristian "actress" clones line career development. Hello dear Ladies and Gentlemen! I would like inform you that Scarlett Johansson ?actress? actually is a clone from original person Scarlett Galabekian last name, who has nothing with acting career, surname Galabekian, because of adoption happened in 1992. Clones was created illegally by using stolen biological material. Original person is very nice (not d**n sexy),most important – CHRISTIAN young lady! I’ll tell you more,those clones (it’s not only one) made in GERMANY – world leader manufacturer of humans clones, it is in Ludwigshafen am Rhein, Rhineland-Palatinate, Mr. Helmut Kohl home town. You can not even imaging the scale of the cloning activity. But warning! Helmut Kohl clone staff strictly controlling all their clones (at least they trying) spreading around the world, they are very accurate with that, some of them are still NAZI type disciplined and mind controlled clones, so be careful get close with clones you will be controlled as well. Original person is not happy with those movies, images, video, rumors and etc. spreading on media in that way it would be really nice if we all will try slow down that ”actress” career development, original Scarlett will really appreciated that. Please remember that original Scarlett’s family did not authorize any activity with stolen biological materials, no matter what form it was created in it was stolen and it is stolen. It all need to be delivered to authorize personals control in Cedars-Sinai Medical Center in Los Angeles. Original Scarlett never was engaged, by the way! Her close friend Serge G. P.S. CONTROLLING ACTIVITY OF ANY CLONES IS US MILITARY OPERATION. Check also here: http://www.flickfilosopher.com/blog/2008/10/warning_stolen_biological_mate.html H.R. 534, the Human Cloning Prohibition Act of 2003, was introduced to the U.S. House of Representatives on February 5, 2003. After discussion, it was passed on February 27 by a vote of 241-155. It now moves on to the Senate for consideration. This bill makes it unlawful for any person or entity to perform or participate in human cloning, or to ship or receive embryos produced by human cloning. The penalties are imprisonment of up to 10 years and fines of $1 million or more. These now join other nations as diverse as Norway, Australia, and many other countries, which had already added cloning for any purpose to their criminal code. And in Germany where it carries a penalty of five years imprisonment they know a thing or two about unethical science.

Um…yeah.

All this said, I’m sure many guys out there see nothing wrong with the idea of cloning Scarlett Johansson.